Oswald Reviews: Killer Bean Forever

I’ve seen my share of independent animated films. Heck, I’m making one! But there has been nothing this weird, or this ridiculous as Killer Bean Forever!

This was an independent film made by computer animator, Jeff Lew. The idea surfaced in the late 90’s as a parody to movies like The Matrix. Because when you think of anthropomorphic beans, you think The Matrix.

But will this animated film rise to the top, or will this bean be at the bottom of the coffee grinder? Let’s see.

Killer Bean is an assassin-bean-thing, who killed a bunch of random breakdancers for being too loud. So Detective Cromwell goes to investigate. But the infamous Vagan comes to talk…Vagan? What kind of name is that? Vagan? Vagan…

Hansel? Hansel…

Doesn’t Vagan sound like some sort of discount tofu?

But why has Vagan come to talk? He wants to spew out pointless exposition! Blah Blah Blah I’m evil for no reason Blah Blah Blah Blah!

EXPOSITION EXPOSITION! RUSH IT OUT ASAP!

So after they talk for a little bit, the Detective goes out and continues to investigate. Meanwhile, Killer Bean is trying to find his target, given to him by the Shadow Beans. After another hour of exposition, Killer Bean finds his target. His target was Vagan all along! Why? Because Vagan was a rogue Shadow Bean, who found out all about the Shadow Beans’ true colors. How do I know that? BECAUSE THEY DID NOTHING BUT EXPLAINING IT FOR 10 MINUTES!!!!!!

I am not kidding. The scene where they explain all this is so freaking long! The scene dragged on forever!

After killing Vagan, Killer Bean is sent to jail. There, (a racially insensitive) Chinese Shadow Bean comes to do the same mission that Killer Bean was sent to do; Kill the bean that knows the real plan behind the Shadow Beans.

But don’t worry, they’re so many other racial stereotypes in this film! There’s the Mexican break dancers, the most anger-prone Chinese cook in the world, and a gang lord named Cappuccino. Get it? Because he’s a bean….at least it’s just as bad as the rest of the jokes in the film.

 After defeating the assassin, Killer Bean goes off to confront the Shadow Beans…then it ends.

What?

Yep, the movie just ends. There’s no resolution, not even a solid story arc. The film just ends.

But what is wrong with this film? Let’s sort out the pros and cons.

Pros:

• The film is very impressive, especially since it was made by only one person.
• I really liked the action scenes. They were really well choreographed.

Cons:

• As much as I am impressed with the animation. It is too smooth. With such cartoony designs, making the movements too realistic make it seem awkward. A good example of this is the Jim Carrey “A Christmas Carol”. The movements can be very cartoon-ish, but the designs are too realistic. The movements would seem out of place.
• The movie is just all exposition. Nearly everything they do is point a gun at someone as they explain why. This is an action film. Don’t just explain all the time, DO SOME ACTION!
• The jokes are dry. I couldn’t count how many times I didn’t laugh at the jokes in this film. It was just so bad. According to the Wiki page, the characters are supposed to have a dry sense of humor. Heh, Heh, Heh, NO. That’s just about as true as Tommy Waseau saying the “The Room” was supposed to be bad.

So that was my thoughts on Killer Bean Forever. Is it bad? Yes. But is it not worth watching? Not exactly.

Since it is an action film, the action should be the primary subject, and the action scenes are very good. It could have been a lot better, but I respect what it gave us. So I’ll give this film a 3/10.

But what if I told you that there were people who thought this film was good? Visit http://www.bencowtalks.wordpress.com/ for that story.

See you later, Animators!