Chicken Little…

Look. I know this has nothing to do with Seuss Summer, but I was recently reminded of this atrocity and I could not help but write about it.

I hate this movie.  I really do. I wish it didn’t exist. Kill it with fire. I know that it is not a living being, nor it being a solid object but it must not exist. This movie is awful. It is the one film that actually gets me legitimately angry.

I love bad films. I usually just play up my anger for the site, but this film, on the other hand, is different. Planes isn’t really that awful. Neither The Nut Job. Not even Tarzan and Jane. Nothing compares in my hatred for this film. This awful piece of cinema.

I know Disney can make good films. I know they can. I’ve seen good films from them. But this? This is just….amazing. It amazes me how awful a film can be. But instead of just ranting about it, how about I tell you why I hate this…cancer of animation.

This is the story of Chicken Little. No, no. Not the character in the beloved folk tale. No…that’s much too likable! This character is a dorky, clumsy little guy. Sure, he makes mistakes but he has SUCH A GOOD HEART! THAT’S NEW!!!!

He believes the sky is falling. But when the town thinks that it was just an acorn, they all decide to hate him. Why? Well…just because they’re jerks, I guess.

I’m not kidding. Everyone hates him now. They don’t even give him a break. Chicken Little is in constant misery. It’s just so depressing.

But when the sky actually does start to fall (because that’s what the original story was about!), Chicken Little and his friends have to convince the town to help them and earn Chicken Little’s dad’s trust.

Now…Chicken Little’s dad….I HATE THIS CHARACTER. HE IS AWFUL.

He is a completely selfish butt who wants nothing to do with his son. He has no love for him. All he wants is a son who isn’t who he already is. He is ashamed by the mere existence of Chicken Little. HE IS THE MOST UNLIKABLE CHARACTER IN ALL OF CINEMA.

The whole movie is a complete downer. All the characters are either jerks or uninteresting. A lot of them are just complete stereotypes with no distinguishing features. Chicken Little has no development other than that everyone hates him. I have no sympathy for any of these people.

The writing is cliche and boring. The jokes make no sense and are never funny. They’re mostly stupid pop culture references anyway. You guys know how much I hate those. This film is already dated because of them, and it’s only less than 10 years old!

The animation isn’t exactly awful, but it’s not good. It’s designs are so bland and the cartoony movement is sort of annoying.

In conclusion, THIS MOVIE NEEDS TO BURN!!! I haven’t gotten into a fourth of what is wrong with this film. I don’t understand why some people enjoy it, neither do I think people SHOULD enjoy it. It is the only film that can make me want to BURN DOWN DISNEY STUDIOS.  Yes, I said that folks. Luckily, I can survive on shots of Frozen, Beauty and the Beast, and The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Thanks Disney.

See you later, Animators!

Score Total: THIS MOVIE MUST BURN.

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